I've been thinking a lot lately about how many blog posts seem to start with the phrase, "I've been thinking a lot lately about..." That being said, I've been thinking a lot lately about friends and friendship in general. Not in a negative way, not necessarily in a positive way either. More like, in a round-about, looping, perhaps even existential way. I suppose if I were to narrow it down to one main question that I've been thinking about, it'd be "what is a friend?" If I don't narrow it down, it'd be, what is a friend, what is an acquaintance? Where is the line in the sand that separates the two, and how does one cross that line without kicking sand in everyone's face? It's a lot of questions, I know, being one who's done my fair share of kicking, and had more than my fair share of sand kicked in my face, I can't help but ask them. And this is by no means a one way street! It seems just as easy to go from friend to acquaintance (or worse, to become no longer a part of someone's life - the phrase "dead to me" ring a bell?) as it is to go from casual acquaintance to close friend. So how does it happen? Is there one thing that a person can do or learn about you that qualifies them as a friend? At what point does that transition happen?

I said before that I've had a good deal of sand kicked in my face as I was thrust over that line one way or the other. Anyone who's ever been to the beach knows how much that stings. I've been a friend, I've been an acquaintance, I've been cut from lives, sometimes I've crossed back over the line, sometimes I haven't. And each time, I can't help but wonder what it was that caused that transition. Over the years, I have had a good number of friends, and a number of good friends. I am not one to make friends easily, but when I do, I tend to open up pretty quickly and fully. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and lately, it's been a short sleeve shirt.

Funny thing about friends. They come and go. Sometimes, they come back. And I'm finding that often people who I once considered friends (and good ones at that) seem to now be casual accquaintances. And more surprisingly, people who I would have considered acquaintances, or even friends with whom there was not a big connection (at the time) are turning into people who I value deeply now that I've had a chance to be re-introduced to them as adults. We've all been asked many times "if you could go back to X (usually high school) and do it over again, would you?" Most of the people I've talked to would say no. Or more specifically, a resounding and emphatic, "HELL NO!" I'm in the other boat though. I would go back. If only to try to strengthen some of the friendships I had back then, and to help the people who I now realize could have used an extra shoulder to cry on, or just an understanding ear. For me, once a friend always a friend. Well, there are a few cases where that is not true, but for the most part... I will always be a friend to them if they need me to be.

OK! ENOUGH! I have been working on and off on this one for a couple of days now, and I'm not happy with it. I am still going to put it up, because it DOES express where some of my thoughts have been. On the other hand, I am no longer in the groove of that train of thought. If people want me to be a part of their lives, or want to be a part of mine, I will greet them with open arms. If they don't? That's their choice to make. But I will always be here for any of them that change their minds.

This post stinks, but here it is. I could refine my thoughts more and undoubtedly make them much more eloquent, but frankly, I am done thinking about this.